Saturday, October 8, 2011

I could really skip days like today

I really could skip days like today. Wake up feeling like I never slept a wink last night. I wanted to take care of myself last night by going to be bed early around 8h30pm which was a success untill the household had a different agenda. It started at 11pm with the dog puking, he spent 25 mins outside doing just that (last time I give that dog a bone, he's not a normal dog you see, he likes to swallow chuncks whole so they come back up a few hours later). Went back to bed around midnight to be awaken at 2h30 for God knows what reason (gotta love that depression insomnia that kicks in at just the right time, where you think of random crap that makes no sense and keeps you up forever). I think I fell back asleep around 3h15ish. 4H30 rolled around and my youngest just loves this time a night to start up a chat. I don't know what's gotten into her, she's been sleeping 12 hour nights since 11 weeks but now made a mission to wake up at this time every morning. This has been going on now for the past 3 weeks, which coincidently marks the time around PPD reared it's ugly face again.... Mother nature just loves helping you out heh? Anyways, she cries/talks/bables for aprox 30 mins untill I can't take it anymore and I go give her a pacifier (I know worst thing ever cause now she's learned that after aprox that amount of time I go give her what she wants, can you blame the girl? Seriously...). She fell back asleep around 5h15ish and of course, being a mom, I only fell asleep around 5h45am. The beautiful sunshine (I just want to shoot it) woke my kids up at 7h15....

So generally speaking for someone who is in good form and healthy, a day or so of this would be ok and not do much. But for someone who suffers from PPD (and a hubby who is away on buisness often like last night) is absolutly dreadfull the next day. No matter how many cups of coffee you take, it makes no difference and you end up just ridding the wave of numbness/zombie feeling all day. Just going through the motions with no emotions. I went to pick up hubby at the airport in the early afternoon and you guessed it... meltdown. Not the ripp my hair out meltdown, just crying and exhaustion which resulted in taking a nap.

I could really skip days like this. I keep thinking of the day that I can pull through these, let's all agree, normal everyday occurrences (kids being kids, dogs being dogs and humans just being humans). I hate feeling the way I did.

So I started making a missions list:

Mission #1: Take at least 4 hours of me time per week (Last weeks goal and it is accomplished :-)

Mission #2: Take naps as much as possible! (this weeks goal)

Here's to accomplishing goals!

Have a good day :-)

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